Wednesday, March 2, 2011


Being rejected...I'll admit it. It hurts. The hardest thing about it is that you can't ever get closure because the end all be all is that in some way, you fell short of someone's expectations. In relationships, these expectations are commonly called..."THE LIST". The one that every single college student has of their future spouse. I'm not excluded from this. What's interesting is that when I found someone who looked perfect on paper, the real life person wasn't perfect for me. But how could this be??? I was so sure the Ken doll on my list would be the perfect match for me and we would live happily ever after!? HA. Welp. Here's the catch: Ken didn't want me. Lesson learned: I'm not Barbie. I'm not perfect. If a Ken doll can't accept less than perfection then he's S.O.L.  So I don't even want a relationship right now let alone a relationship with a Ken. I thought that having high standards was a good thing (and it may still be) but what I thought was perfection turned out to be nothing more than the biggest disappointment I've ever experienced. I had forgotten that perfection is unattainable and I realized that the only one who has the ability to match me up with the perfect spouse isn't me and my checklist, but God and His plan. As terrible as it felt to have someone tell me that I didn't make the cut, imagine how terrible Jesus felt on the cross. He was crucified and rejected by the very ones He loved and was litteraly being slaughtered for. That's real heartbreak. That is a pain no one on earth will ever experience. My brain can't wrap itself around "agape": God's selfless love. Isaiah 53:3 says: "He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering." I can't believe I actually felt sorry for myself and thought that I was alone in this feeling. I find comfort in the fact that I never have to be afraid of being rejected by the savior of my soul; Jesus Christ. When I tell Him I've been rejected and I'm in pain He's probably saying "I know EXACLTY how you feel times a million!" If He was here in physical form He would be holding me in His lap, like the daughter of His that I am and would patiently listen to me vent about how unfair this world is and how stressed I am about finals coming up and all the petty things I like to worry about on a daily basis. SO. Have a fear of being rejected? DON'T. No one can ever reject you the way that we have rejected Jesus and consequently, no one understands the pains of this life better than Him. Trust Him with your heartache, worry, stresses, problems, and "THE LIST". I'm giving Him my list because it obviously wasn't the outline of the man He has for me. Believe it or not, He understands everything that you feel. He's here to listen, confide in, and to trust. Make sure you aren't rejecting the one who will never reject you. <3       


Today I'm reminded of a bleak day in elementary school. Setting: The school counselor's office. Never a good place to be. Characters: myself, my mother, Mrs.Doud. Topic being discussed: my bad choices and how to improve them. I remember distinctly when the school counselor asked what I hoped to do in the upcoming year that would improve my experience at Park Place Elementary School and I replied: "I want to choose better friends." My mom (probably without realizing it was a bit of an insult to me) said: "Really? You aren't just saying that because I'm here?" To this I rolled my eyes,sighed, and probably said something stupid like: "Seriously mom?! This is why I didn't want to come here." Hahaha The funny part about this is that I thought that I could choose my friends. Silly me. I spent today with a friend I never have enough time with and was reminded that God chose my friends for me. What a blessing this is! He knows me better than I know myself and chose people to be in my life that would all teach me lessons about myself that have helped me grow to be a better person and friend to them in return. I've also realized that I don't know half of my facebook friends and need to do some spring-friend-cleaning. I love facebook, don't get me wrong...I just realized that it can be used to stay in touch with friends, or to stalk people that you find mildly attractive/interesting. I would rather not stalk or be stalked. Please and thank you. What about your friends? How have they shown you things about yourself that you would never have known unless they brought it out of you? Holly has tought me to bring out my inner child. Not to dance like no one is watching...but to dance as if everyone is watching and you don't care one tiny bit. Kc has tought me patience, tolerance, and adventure. Emily has tought me to be loyal, open, and honest. If it weren't for her I would be a much more self-centered human being. Rachel has tought me to be a more accountable person. She makes me want to be someone that can be depended upon. My sister, with whom I share a bond much stronger than friendship, has tought me strength, and to guard my heart, but not from her. I'm so blessed to share life with these amazing human beings. And there are so many more! Think about did you meet your best friend? Was it completely random? How awesome was that feeling when you realized that you just click perfectly together? Hope you're mind is flooded with warm fuzzy feelings like mine. <3  

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Big Thoughts

My heart aches for the world tonight. I've heard friends who shall remain nameless say: "I hope when the end time comes Jesus will decide I can come to heaven too.." Really? You hope? I can't help but wonder if this is how the majority of people feel. Do they think that if there is a God, then he must be the gracious God everyone talks about, and if He is gracious and does exist then maybe they'll be able to convince Him that they are good people and deserve heaven...? Maybe I'm being silly and a worry wort but when my time comes I don't want to "hope" that a divine spirit of some kind has my back. I'm personally not willing to leave eternity to chance. I know that I am saved. That I have a Savior who for some crazy reason loves me and persues me as I persue Him. I want to spread the gospel of His love so that other people can have the peace that I do about life after death and the end of the world. Let me clue you in on a little can be the best citizen, the best person alive, (according to society) and not be heaven-bound. After all, one must wonder where society gets it's moral standard from?...hmmm... There is one major decision that people make in life. It's deciding what you believe to be true. If I'm wrong and Jesus Christ, Heaven, Hell, and God are not real.... then I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. If I'm right...and no one may enter the kingdom of heaven except through Him...then non-christians have everything to lose, and nothing to gain.
Hope this wasn't too much for a first blog. Just sharing what's on my heart.